So like most jobs, I get semi and annual reviews. Which is fine except...my job gives horrible critiques to me. Now for years, I have been pondering on why is that.
I've heard “ you're doing a great job, but you need to work on thoroughly reading through email drafts before sending them”, which I completely understand. I went from major in Physics to work directly in corporate America. So my corporate etiquette needed some tweaking. Then the following year I was told, I am “too chill” in meetings. I mean I do have horrible posture and they don't make posture correctors in my size.
So y'all gonna have to deal with me sitting straight, but crooked lol. This year the reviews,have not been released but I've been told I have a “temper” problem through the grapevine. I have NEVER raised my voice to anyone ever in my job. I just have a loud and deep voice. Even when I try to whisper. It never works. Trust me. Even in high school I couldn't whisper, my friends couldn't tell me ANYTHING unless they didn't want a response because the entire room would here me.
This thought perplexed me for a while...then I realized. Culturally, non-black people don't know how to give critiques to black people. Like, they have to be SUPER SENSITIVE to not say anything offense, but the lack of critique is more demeaning. Unless I'm doing my job perfectly...which is possible but you don't hire the best and let him hit the highest points to the point where you are nick picking things that I literally have no control over. You think “I don't fit in” my dude, I'm a 6’ 1”, 300+ pound, black man with locs...IM NOT GOING TO FIT IN. I was never put on this earth to fit in. So I need the honest truth…